My Grandad by blood. Best friend by choice.
Alice Tate & her Granda, Hans.
My Granda was called Hans Dines, he was born on the 22nd of November 1944. He lived a very happy life up until just before his diagnosis.
The illness hit us out of the blue, he went from being gentle and loving to irritated. He didn’t understand why this was, never mind us. His forgetfulness became regular; he didn’t know the day of the week, he began burning food and his driving had become so dangerous that he had to stop. He lost his independence and felt trapped in his own head.
Living with this was awful for him. He started seeing ghosts and got frustrated when we said there was nothing there. He went from making the dinner each night for granny coming in from work, to not being trusted to cook as it was too high risk.
Eventually he got so unwell, he had to be taken into a mental health ward, where he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. From there things started to make sense. Granda then was admitted to a care home which specialised in dementia and although a brilliant facility, this was a huge change for us all. He was not happy, he was depressed and started to think he would be better if he wasn’t here at all which was so was upsetting for all our family. We cried, he cried, it wasn’t a nice time. He gradually deteriorated in the 4 years he was in care; he lost his mobility and needed assistance to eat and drink, losing all his independence.
I have always said I feel dementia stole my Granda and in turn, it really affected my mental health. I only got to see him once a week because the care home wasn’t local to us which was a huge change as before the illness, I would have been at his house nearly everyday, having sleepovers and using his big belly as a foot rest watching TV.
My Granda sadly passed away on the 3rd August 2020 which was difficult as I barely seen him in the months previous, due to Covid19 and visiting restrictions. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it felt like a piece of my heart disappeared. Life after wasn’t great, my whole family missed him dearly and I felt helpless.
Having someone in your life with dementia is hard but it is 1000 times harder for the person living with it. Tips I learnt over the years were:
Never disagree with them, it upsets them more and makes them think their brain doesn’t work.
Show compassion, even holding their hands or giving hugs makes them feel loved and secure.
Remember the memories, its the illness causing them to act in a different way, not them.
They are still inside, don’t treat them differently.
Show them pictures to remind them of lovely memories.
Encourage them to think of the positives
Stay strong for them as its a hell of a tough journey.